WE WANT RELATIONSHIPS OF LOVE, EXCITEMENT AND PLEASURE; NOT CONFUSION, MISTRUST AND INEQUALITY
Relationships are pretty impossible to get away from. They consist of the family we’re born into, the colleagues we work with, and the friends and lovers we choose. They have a tremendous impact on our wellbeing: we’re happier when they contain elements of love, excitement, and pleasure. Unfortunately, harmful components tend to seep into some relationships too. Sometimes, we find ourselves in one-sided relationships that contain confusion, mistrust, and inequality, instead of clarity, comfort, and fairness. Such relationships can be detrimental to our wellbeing. What do we do when the feelings we have for someone else aren’t reciprocated?
NOT KNOWING LOVE IN CHILDHOOD COULD MEAN NOT RECOGNIZING IT IN ADULTHOOD
Society expects parents to have a strong bond with their kids. Lucky children know they’re an extension of their parent’s love. Even if their parents break up, the love they have for their kids should be unconditional and everlasting. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Some parents care for their children as much as they should, which leaves the children feeling confused and unworthy. Never feeling loved by their own parents, they struggle to distinguish signs of genuine love from deception. Unable to recognize a healthy friendship from an unhealthy one, these children are more likely to gravitate towards people who don’t have their best interest at heart.
ENABLING A FRIEND IS NOT HELPING A FRIEND
Friendships are another type of relationship altogether because unlike familial ones, we choose our friends. As a result, one might expect friendships to lack complications and to be long-lasting. But this is rarely the case. Everyone attracts one-sided relationships, where they’re always giving and their “friend” repeatedly taking. Examples of this are when someone frequently asks for money they never pay back, or expecting support through their problems but never reciprocating, etc.
These types of relationships cause us to question what a healthy bond between two people is supposed to look like, and sometimes to question ourselves: “Is this person selfish, or am I too needy?” As hard as it may be, the best thing we can do is stop communicating with that person and see what comes of it. When left unnourished, such relationships tend to wither away on their own. The loss of friendship (or relative) might be painful, but it’s better to let the one-sided relationship go than play someone’s fool.
But in rare instances, these relationships, although one-sided, may be tolerated. Perhaps a long term friend lost his job and needs some assistance to get his life back together. Or maybe the friend is going through a life change, like a divorce, which tends to strain emotions. Friends who have always been loyal and true, and don’t have a track record for deceiving others, deserve a helping hand at times. Giving too many favors from someone who never gives back, however, is another thing altogether. Enabling one-sided friends doesn’t help them see the error in their ways, and it hurts you.
LET GO OF RELATIONSHIPS THAT ONLY BRING STRESS AND SEEK BONDS THAT PROMOTE HAPPINESS
Much of what we expect from relationships are the result of the relationships we had as children. When parents provide us with their love and attention, we become confident people who can distinguish real love from false love. Growing up in an emotional afflicted household, however, where our needs weren’t met can cause a person to develop feelings of unworthiness that are difficult, but not impossible, to go away. Surrounding ourselves with people who bring out our happiness is the start of healing.
Lisa Curry found herself struggling with mistrust and false love, issues that stemmed from loss experienced in her childhood years. The abandonment of her mother had forced Lisa to deal with feelings of unworthiness her entire life. But Lisa was not quick to give up on the hope that Catalina loved her above all things. In Hopeful Heart, Lisa excuses Catalina for never taking her calls, and she never blames her mom for putting distance between them. She accepted their one-sided relationship because, deep down, Lisa measured her worth by the love, or lack thereof, that her mother gave her. It’s not until later that Lisa realizes that her worth comes from her belief in herself and from those whose love reflects hers. She continues to hope that Catalina would make an appearance, but she’d no longer be weakened by her absence.
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