bleeding heart (Chapter 1)
Lisa stood firm against the harsh winds and heavy rains that descended over Savannah, Georgia, trying to gather the courage to handle the task that lay before her. Afflicted with inner turmoil, she stared at the door ahead of her, not once thinking of sheltering herself from the downpour. She didn’t care to move forward. Nor did she budge as passing cars splashed water onto her leg. The sight of her cousin darting past her with her baby’s car seat dangling from his hand didn’t phase her much either.
“What are you doing?” Samuel yelled, using the building’s passageway to shield the baby from the storm. Beneath his clothing, water slid down his olive skin.
The two of them had come such a long way. At the age of ten, she had moved in with her uncle, his wife, and their two children.
Before then, Lisa hadn’t even known that she had cousins. She still remembered her hesitation to sit beside Samuel on the couch, stay alone in a room with him, or even to talk to him. She remembered him as a teenager wanting little to do with her.
But that was over a decade ago, and things had changed. She was now twenty-three, and he was twenty-seven. Unexpected events had resulted in Samuel being the one Lisa depended on whenever she had a problem. He was one of the few people who knew how much her life had spiraled out of control since childhood, the only person whom she could trust to guard her secrets, and the only one with whom she shared her pains and insecurities. He was there for her when no one else was. He had been the one to talk her into the mission she had come to do.
“Lisa, let’s go in,” he said in between the rolls of thunder.
They entered into the shadows of the uninviting lobby and headed towards a small beacon of light that beamed through a cracked door.
“May I help you?” asked someone from behind her in a hushed voice. Lisa turned to see the dark silhouette of the man whose voice echoed through the room, coming into the dim light.
Samuel began to speak. Lisa, keeping her mind on the task she had come to do, pushed ahead of him to approach the man. “Is Catalina Curry here?”
“Oh, yes! Lots of people were here to see her earlier,” the man whispered.
This surprised Lisa. Catalina had only a handful of relatives and had no friends in the States. The funeral director must’ve been referring to friends from overseas. Who loved Catalina so much to travel so far?
“She’s in there.” The man pointed to the cracked door. “Are you a relative?”
“Only by blood.” Her words were cold, her disposition colder. She stepped into the adjacent room and examined the spectacle before her. Everything, from the golden-framed portraits to the silk quilt sprawled over the casket, was a reflection of her mother’s typical, extravagant style.
Moving along the edges of the room, Lisa examined the large portraits of Catalina. In some pictures, she was singing at bars. In others, she was singing on stage or posing in nightclubs with other women who wore long, dangly dresses, and men, who donned finely cut suits.
“Wow!” said Samuel. He looked dazzled by the photos. Without taking his eyes off the scene, he put the car seat down in the front pew and eased his way toward the portraits.
Lisa, however, had little reason to be amazed. She thought the decor was too ostentatious and profoundly devoid of familial ties. Making her way to the back corner of the room, she saw herself in one of the pictures at last. It was a rather old picture in a small, nondescript frame. Lisa, held in her father’s left arm, with her mother to his right side, couldn’t have been more than four years old when it had been taken.
She approached her mother’s casket and sneered. How selfish of Catalina to hide in a closed casket! Her mother, always putting appearance before everything else, wouldn’t even allow the ones whom she had left behind to catch one last glimpse of her.
Lisa’s eyes remained dry as she looked down at the white marble coffin. Her lack of tears didn’t surprise her. Countless nights of soaking her pillow with tears in Catalina’s absence had taught her that crying changed nothing. It hadn’t made Catalina want to be in her life, nor had it cured Lisa of feeling unworthy.
“She figured out a way to let me down in everything she did, including when I was pregnant with Liam. She told me she’d come for his birth in case something went wrong.” Lisa’s gaze drifted to her sleeping baby and then to Samuel, who had taken a seat in the front pew.
“I arrived at the airport early, ready for her to console me and to clear all doubts I had regarding her love for me. A part of me believed that having Liam would instill the maternal instinct in her that had been absent for so long. There I was with a huge belly and swollen feet waiting for this lady. I saw a woman pulling a whiny little boy down the hall. I noticed this judgmental, disfigured woman shaking her head at me as she passed by. And I remember seeing an old couple reuniting with a man who appeared to be their son.” Lisa slammed her hand down on the casket. “That was supposed to be us. I left that airport feeling like such a fool.”
“She was probably too sick to come, Lisa. You’ll have to figure out a way to forgive her.”
Lisa rounded on Samuel with a scolding glare. How could he of all people say that when he had been around to witness Catalina’s abandonment over the years? She didn’t just make one mistake or missed one major event, but many. “Was it an illness that caused her to miss mother-daughter pageants, holidays, and doctor’s visits when I was a kid? Did sickness keep her from being present when I left for kindergarten or from guiding me through my first period? I had to miss my own prom because I didn’t have the money for a dress, and this woman wasn’t around to give it to me.”
Lisa scoffed, walking briskly around the room. “Look at her in all these photos! Blue dresses, green dresses, white ones, long and short. All stylish, all expensive.” Lisa’s mother had often used money as a reason for not coming to see her. Lisa hadn’t believed those excuses back then. Looking at the luxury evident in the pictures, it was more apparent that Catalina’s objections had been lies. The truth was that her mother hadn’t wanted to see her.
She motioned around the room until, almost losing her breath, she collapsed onto a chair, causing it to tilt back and hit the wall. Her baby, who had been sound asleep in his car seat, began to let out a slight whine.
“Careful, Lisa!” Samuel said.
Lisa threw her hand to her breast. She felt her heart slamming against her chest, its rhythmic beats so loud that they thumped in her ears.
Samuel kneeled before her and put an arm on her shoulder. “Just relax for a second.”
“I suppose the fault lies with me for believing her,” she whispered. She ran her hand through her wet, curly, dark brown hair, trying to understand her past stupidity. The only explanation she could think of was a self-inflicted vulnerability to betrayal and abuse, spurred on by a deep desire to be loved.
“Liam’s awake now. Maybe we should go.”
Lisa shook her head. Breathing heavily, she took a few steps toward the alcove in the corner of the room and shook a picture in Samuel’s face. “Have you seen this?”
Samuel grabbed the photo. “Aunt Cat and Grandma. That picture must’ve been taken thirty years ago.”
Lisa sneered, noticing how distant the two women looked as they stood beside each other in the photo. “They may not have been the best of friends, but at least Grandma made time for her daughter. My mother never even gave me that.” She turned and walked back toward the casket.
The funeral director dashed into the room to where Lisa kneeled and put his hands on her shoulders. “I heard a noise. Is everything okay?”
Bothered by his distraction, Lisa looked up at him through narrowed eyes. Still, she somehow refrained from shedding a tear. “She was once my mother, a long time ago.”
“Oh. I see,” the man said.
She examined him looking back at her in a daze. Without a doubt, he understood little. He hadn’t been there to witness what she’d gone through—the constant rejections, the promises that never came to fruition, and the abandonment. She turned away from him to address what remained of her mother.
“How dare you die without giving me the chance to say what I needed to say? How dare you turn your back on me for years and then hide inside this box?” She balled her hand into a fist and gritted her teeth. “I have a right to hate you. I have a right to say that to your face.”
The baby’s patience gave way. He began wailing, and the tears that should have been shedding from Lisa’s eyes streamed out from his.
Lisa glared at the ornate coffin that now symbolized her mother. “Before I leave, I’m going to make a promise. I will do more for my child than you ever did for me. I won’t be irresponsible with him like you were with me. My son will be my priority—not my career and certainly not myself. I won’t abandon him like you did me.” She rose and glided off toward the door leading to the church’s exit.
“You okay, cousin?” Samuel, as supportive as ever, rubbed her back as he followed her.
“Yes,” she responded, exiting the funeral home into the calm air that typically followed Savannah’s storms.
The funeral door swung open behind them. “Ma’am, I think you forgot your locket.”
Lisa felt around her neck. The locket must’ve fallen off when she’d rushed around the room. It contained the only picture of her alone with her mother, before she was sent off to live with her grandmother. “Let her have it,” she yelled without stopping or looking back. “She can take it to the grave with everything else.”
As Lisa approached the car, an unusual giddiness overtook her. A smile sprang from her lips. Unlike Catalina, she had more than decorative trinkets and pictures of the past. Lisa had a family who cared for her, and she still had the chance to make a lasting impact on them.
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Bleeding heart (Chapter 2)
The confidence Lisa had embodied on the day of her mother’s funeral had begun to fade. Feelings of frustration and incompetence were at their peak. Back in college, she had studied Spanish to become familiar with her mother’s native tongue. She had hoped her studies would bring her closer to her mother. But Catalina had never shown any excitement about her daughter’s attempt to learn the language. And after four years of Spanish classes, Lisa felt inadequate about her language Spanish fluency. She’d attempted to find work outside her field of study. To her dismay, no one wanted to hire her.
Samuel entered the kitchen as Lisa flipped bagels in the frying pan. “Do I have to go finish the job?” she asked, looking back at him.
“That won’t be necessary,” he said, lifting an empty bottle. “I’m getting the hang of this. The little guy even let me burp him.”
Lisa chuckled. “It only took you four months.”
“I’m sure I would’ve caught on sooner if you hadn’t been so selfish with him.” He sneered. “We both know the only reason you let me feed him this morning is because I’m leaving soon.”
Lisa wasn’t going to deny this. She felt it was her duty to do as much for her son as she could herself—feeding him when he was hungry, changing his diaper, and holding him when he was antsy. Through her actions, Liam would learn to love and depend on her forever. “He’s my first child. I’m supposed to be selfish.” She smiled at her cousin, and he returned the expression.
“I’m still not sure about living with your friend.” Lisa had been living at Samuel’s condo for the last two years. But he had decided to renovate and sell it, which meant Lisa needed to move. In the past, Lisa had faced problems with roommates who had been unable to adapt to her living standards. Now, as a mother, she believed it was even more imperative to find a roommate who could adjust to her ways. “What’s her name again?”
“Her name’s Kathleen Baker.” Samuel opened the cabinet to the left of the refrigerator. He handed Lisa her favorite mug before grabbing a plate in anticipation of the bagels she was preparing for them. “Do you have any other options?”
Lisa gave him a sharp look. “You know I don’t. I just don’t think I’ll feel comfortable with a stranger around my baby.”
“That’s why you need to get to know her. Kathleen is a good person. I’ve known her for years.”
“You’ve never mentioned her before.” Lisa bit her lip. Kathleen’s name hadn’t come up until the topic of where Lisa and Liam would move to had arisen. She wondered just how close her cousin was to this girl and why this person—a stranger, as far as she was concerned—was so willing to help her out. “You didn’t tell her about any of my problems, did you?”
Samuel lifted one of his brows and pressed his lips together. For a moment, he stared into Lisa’s eyes as if he hadn’t understood her question. Then, he let out a gasp. “Oh! No, I haven’t told her anything yet.”
She sat down and lifted her coffee mug to her lips. “Good! I’d like to keep it that way.”
“It might be good for her to know—”
“No, Samuel,” she scowled, spilling coffee over her hand. “I don’t want her feeling weird around me or giving me any reason to feel weirder around her than I’m already going to.”
All Lisa knew about Kathleen was that she was excited about her and Liam moving in. There had to be something that Samuel wasn’t telling her. “Kathleen isn’t a lesbian, is she?”
Samuel choked. “Random! Where’d that come from?”
“Just asking.”
“Would it be a problem if she were?” He asked with a stern look on his face.
She sucked her teeth. “No! You know I don’t discriminate.” Still, she had never thought of living with a lesbian. “She’s not one, though, right?”
“Relax! Kathleen has a husband and a daughter.”
Mouth agape, Lisa pulled her body back in an abrasive fashion as chills traveled down her spine. “Why is this the first time I’m hearing this? I thought you said she lived alone. I don’t know about living in a house with a man.”
“Would you calm down? Tom’s no one to worry about. He’s a musician who spends months at a time out of the country. That’s one of the reasons Kathleen’s excited about you and Liam moving in. She’s looking for some adult companionship.”
“Well, that could be a problem in itself.” For quite some time, her focus had been on her child and on finding a decent job, and she intended to keep it that way.
“Why would that be a problem?”
Rolling her eyes, she gave him a matter-of-fact look. He should’ve known how little time she dedicated to socializing.
“Give her a chance, Lisa. She’s special to me.”
Hearing this took Lisa by surprise. Samuel had never talked about a girl being special before. His focus had always been on his studies, his job, and Lisa, of course. How’d Kathleen, a married woman, slip into his busy lifestyle?
“Besides, she’s eager to watch Liam. That’s a definite plus. It’s one less thing you’ll have to worry about when you find work. And I’m sure her daughter would make a great playmate for Liam one day.”
Lisa sucked her teeth. “You say that like I’m trying to marry him off.”
“It wouldn’t be a bad family to marry into.”
“Maybe living there can work out, as long as her husband keeps his distance.” She passed Samuel the two creams and three Splenda he always put in his coffee.
“I don’t even know why you drink coffee in the morning. You’re just going to go to bed in an hour or so.” Samuel worked overnight as an IT tech manager monitoring computer systems.
“That’s why I choose decaf. I like the taste of it.” He took a sip. “You ready for that interview today?” Samuel asked.
She shook her head. “I had four failed interviews last week. I don’t know how much more rejection I can take. Working part-time at the restaurant isn’t cutting it. How am I supposed to pay your friend rent? I’m barely making it as it is. If I don’t find a job soon—” The thought of total dependency, or even homelessness, made her too scared to finish the sentence. Regardless of Kathleen’s alleged kindness, Lisa knew that she couldn’t live there without a paycheck.
“You have to stay positive, Lisa.”
“That’s easier said than done. It’s nerve-wracking to feel like you’re just wasting time filling out those applications.” After so many failed attempts, she was convinced that employers didn’t want her. And why should they? Her own mother didn’t find her worthy. “I’m trying my luck with administrative positions now, but—”
“I think that’s a good route for you to take,” Samuel interjected. “You’ve worked as a key holder in retail, and you’ve got management experience. Those positions consisted of administrative work and leadership, and employers love to see leadership qualities. Getting work in that field shouldn’t be a problem; you’ve already proven yourself.”
Lisa caressed her forehead as the feeling of worry weighed upon her. “Maybe . . . but I was only a manager for a short time. Most of the jobs I’ve been looking at require years of accounting experience, like knowing about accounts payable and receivable, QuickBooks, JD Edwards, and knowing about other stuff I’ve never heard of. I just have experience working with invoices.”
“After graduating from college, I felt unprepared, too. I ended up watching YouTube tutorials to teach myself how to use different software programs. That led to me getting the job as a manager for BestBuy, and my current position as a tech manager.”
“I’ve done that, too,” she assured him. She dropped her hands to the table, pointing her palms upward as if waiting for a miracle—a job—to fall into them . . . but they were trembling with fear and worry. “I’ve been on YouTube for the last few nights watching tutorials on all the programs, so that I can talk about them. I even got a monthly trial to learn some programs. I just need them to believe in me. I need to have an interview where I’m not disregarded for lack of experience. That seems to be the norm.”
“You have to go in believing . . . no, knowing that you’re the right person for the job. You think they’re looking for someone perfect?”
Lisa was surprised by his question. They were looking for someone experienced and able to handle their tasks; this much she was sure of.
“Forget about your past interviews,” he continued. “You’re getting a chance because they’ve read your résumé and see your potential. You just have to meet them halfway by selling yourself to them. You know your stuff. Prove to them you can handle the tasks.”
“I guess that’s the one thing I was never any good at.” For a moment, she allowed the depressive thoughts about her shortcomings to linger. She had failed at pleasing her family, her friends, and her ex-boyfriend. She had always been a social pariah, which was a trait that was becoming increasingly problematic.
Gobbling down the remainder of her bagel, she swallowed her morning coffee, shook off her insecurities, and strode from the room. She had an interview to prepare for.
Feeling fresh after her long, hot shower, Lisa dressed in a pair of white pants and a black blouse. Turning to her closet, she grabbed the white blazer that she had purchased from a thrift shop a year ago. The blazer was tight and scratchy, but with her limited funds and the baby fat still clinging to her abdomen, it was one of the few things she had to wear.
Looking in the mirror, Lisa was pleased with how everything had come together, despite the minor discomfort. She put on the only necklace she owned, a silver one bequeathed to her by her late cousin. Then, she puckered her delicate lips after applying pink lipstick and dabbed some rouge on her cheeks. She smiled as she caught a glimpse of Catalina’s radiance looking back at her. Her complexion was light, which she had gotten from her white father; everything else, from her high cheekbones and wavy hair to her rosy cheeks, was indicative of her mother’s Hispanic background. Good looks had been the only thing she could ever have depended on from her mother.
∞
Lisa walked through the wet parking lot, trying to avoid stepping into puddles in her black-and-white striped heels. When she entered the building, her stomach fluttered. Muscles in her body tightened as her eyes fell onto the roomful of people dressed in business attire. Some were sitting in chairs positioned around the room, others were standing. At least twenty others were competing with her for a chance at employment.
A shuffling noise to the right caused Lisa to jump back. She turned her head and saw a lady sitting behind the counter. “Excuse me,” she said, breathing heavily. “I hadn’t noticed you there.”
The receptionist gave a half-smile and nodded. “Sign in, please,” she said in a soft tone, pointing to a sheet of paper on the counter.
Lisa did as requested, her eyes peeking upward at what others had written as she wrote the reason for her visit. She stood a greater chance of being ridiculed for setting her sights too high than being hired. “Are all these people here for the administrative assistant job?”
“Most of them. We’re looking to fill five assistant positions and two technical ones.” The receptionist gave her a clipboard with a questionnaire attached to it. “Good luck!”
Lisa took the clipboard and moved around the room, unable to find a vacant chair. She had arrived twenty minutes before her scheduled appointment because she had wanted to make a strong impression. Looking around, she felt that she had gotten there about an hour too late. She leaned back against the wall and held the clipboard out in front of her to fill out the form.
“Here.” A man wearing a navy suit and brown dressed shoes rose, offering his seat. “I’m just waiting to be called anyway.”
Lisa sat on the warm chair. “Thanks! How long have you been waiting?” She wasn’t the type to talk to strangers, but she wanted to know what kind of wait she might have to look forward to. Besides, she was nervous about the interview. Some light conversation might make her feel more comfortable and give her the push she’d need to impress the interviewer.
“About an hour,” he said dryly, rolling his eyes. “I had to call and cancel another interview I had scheduled for today. This is the job I want. I’m hoping the long wait pays off. That woman,” he inclined his head toward a lady wearing a blue dress, “walked in right before I did. I think she’s next, and then me.”
An applicant exited the back room, trying to hide her face, but her red, puffy eyes and smeared makeup were evident from the side.
“Looks like they gave her an outright rejection,” the man said, looking back at Lisa. “I guess they don’t do the ‘We’ll call you’ gutless rejection and instead lose your number.”
Lisa grinned. She’d had enough of those to know exactly what he was referring to. “That’s how one of the four interviews I had last week ended. I’d much rather they tell it like it is.”
“Tell me about it.”
She looked down and read the first few questions on the form: name, years of work experience, and education. She shook her head. “What’s the point of sending résumés and filling out an application if they’re going to ask the same questions on a questionnaire form?”
He frowned. “It’s annoying, I know. Wait till you get to page two. There are a lot of in-depth questions.” He looked over at several other applicants: a few seemed relaxed, but most lost in thought with their strained faces. “Those questions will get you thinking.”
Lisa turned the page and peered down at its contents. He was right. The questions were more stringent: “How would you handle this situation?” “What did you do the last time you were in this situation?” “Why should we hire you?” She took in a deep breath and began.
Many names were called as she waited. Most of the interviewees returned from the back office with their heads down; very few returned exuding excitement. The man who offered her his seat returned with a confident look on his face.
“It didn’t go as badly as I thought it would.”
“So, you got the job?”
“Well, I wasn’t rejected on the spot.” He pulled a business card out of his back pocket and handed it to her.
“Jack, you’re a pool boy?” She would never have thought this. His confidence gave the impression that he was used to working with people or in office settings.
“It was fun during college. Lots of fun.” He chucked. “But, now I’m trying very hard to get out of the business. Anyway, I gotta go. Call me sometime.”
The last man who had been that nice to her was Liam’s father. He eased his way into her heart and bed, then dumped her without so much as a thought of her well-being. She wasn’t going to let that happen again. Lisa put the card in her back pocket, never planning to use it.
Crowds of people were still flowing into the already busy waiting room. Lisa’s palms were becoming sweaty, her throat went dry and her heartbeat was accelerating. Examining the others waiting in line, she pondered the possibility of getting the job. Every other interview she’d gone to seemed less daunting, as she hadn’t had to sit among her competitors. And, even then, she’d still failed.
She was considering running when the door to the back opened. “Ms. Lisa Curry!”
Lisa felt paralyzed. She looked around, her nerves rising from the illusion of failure.
“Is Ms. Curry here?”
She took in a deep breath and turned to the lady standing in the corner. “That would be me.”
Lisa admired the elegance of the offices as she ambled down the long hall. Most of the rooms were furnished with brown wooden desks, and the bookshelves pushed against the walls had several books on them. The desks looked tidy and had comfortable leather chairs pushed in underneath them. Most of the chairs in the rooms were unoccupied. In one of the rooms, a man slouched in the seat, focusing on the unadorned ceiling. He showed poor work ethics and had a job; meanwhile, she embodied good work ethics and couldn’t secure one.
The lady turned a corner and led Lisa to a room in which a man sat. “Mr. Hopkins, this is Lisa Curry.”
His thick arms and broad shoulders did nothing to soothe Lisa’s nerves. She held out her hand for a moment, waiting for his eyes to deviate from her application to her. Instead, he kept his hands pressed firmly together as he grunted at the content he was reading. It wasn’t until the woman announced that Lisa was there for the administrative position that he acknowledged her.
“Ms. Curry,” he said plainly, giving her a slight nod. “Please, take a seat.”
Lisa did as requested, trying not to show nervousness despite the somersaults in her stomach. The sides of her face twitched as she struggled to keep a smile on her lips. She sat up straight and did everything she could to keep her attention on him, even when he wasn’t looking at her. She wanted everything about her, from the suit she wore to her posture, to indicate that she was the right person for the job that so many were interviewing for.
“Just bear with me,” Hopkins said as he looked through her résumé. “HR sent dozens of résumés, and I haven’t had the chance to look through any of them in detail until today. Do you have a degree in accounting?”
The job post had mentioned that an accounting degree was preferred for the position, but this shouldn’t mean that the person had to have one. She didn’t expect it to be the first question he’d ask. “No. I majored in Spanish.”
He chuckled as if her words were a joke. “Spanish? It’s not every day a Spanish major comes our way.”
If she’d had her way, she would’ve gone abroad to study. But having a baby had required her to make sacrifices and come up with new plans.
He looked over at her with furrowed eyebrows. “This position involves a great deal of accounting. What makes you think you can handle it?”
“Well, Mr. Hopkins, I have performed administrative and accounting tasks before.”
He snickered. “With all due respect, other places don’t require as much attention to detail as we do here at Burke and Hopkins.” He looked back at her résumé, scratching at his bald head with his pen. “Tell me about your past experiences.”
“I’ve worked as a manager. I was a key holder at Gap for two years.”
He sighed of disappointment. She stretched her arm across his desk to hand him the questionnaire she had filled out, hoping her written responses would impress him. Sadly, he didn’t reach for it. Completely ignoring her attempt to divert the conversation, he moved on. “What about Sols Experience? I’ve never heard of that.”
She thought back to the YouTube tutorials she had watched so that she could incorporate some of it in her job experience. “I worked my way up to assistant manager, responsible for invoices, payroll, receiving inventory into the company’s centralized system, conducting and analyzing audits, performing HR duties, and dealing with vendors.”
“Ah.” He nodded, a half-smile appearing on his face. “Now we’re getting somewhere. Inputting data into our system, running and analyzing reports, and balancing accounts are a big part of the job. Tell me, what type of business is Sols Experience?”
The question she hated most had finally slithered into the conversation. So many previous interviewers had shunned her the moment they’d found out what kind of business she had managed. It was as if her past experience wasn’t worthy or good enough for them. “It was a gas station.”
Hopkins’s face changed, like so many others’ had before him. “I see.” He put the résumé down and folded his arms over his chest.
With countless failed interview attempts under her belt, she knew what ‘I see’ meant. “I guess coming here was a mistake.”
“This is an impressive résumé. You shouldn’t have a problem getting work in most places, but there are a lot of responsibilities here that you’re not used to handling. Our work is so intense that even people with accounting degrees often struggle. That’s why we prefer candidates with specialized experience. I don’t feel that you’re qualified for this kind of work.”
Lisa looked down at the questionnaire she had filled out while waiting; he never even glanced down at it. What a waste of time. She gave him the “thank you” speech that she had perfected, and she walked toward the door. This was at least the fiftieth application she had filled out and about her twentieth failed interview. So much for doing research on the company and job to impress the interviewer. So much for selling herself to Hopkins and convincing him to give her a chance.
She walked out of the room, already filled with despondence she knew would bother her for a while. It would be another gloomy night spent wondering whether she’d ever be given a chance to prove herself and when she’d be able to acquire her independence. Soon, she’d be moving out of her cousin’s condo and into his friend’s house. She didn’t feel like an adult, nor like a mother capable of taking care of her child on her own. She felt like a failure. Her and her son’s well-being depended on others. She hated the thought of it.
In an instant, she turned and barged back into his office. For the first time during her search for employment, Lisa felt worthy. With his phone in one hand and a pen in the other, Hopkins looked up at her, his mouth agape and his eyes wide open. He had dismissed her; yet, she hadn’t finished with him.
He spoke into his phone. “I’m sorry. I’m going to have to call you back, Randy.” There was a pause, the only movement coming from Hopkins was his twirling of the pen between his fingers. “Yes. I understand the seriousness of the situation, but I’ll have to call you back.” He put the phone down and took a deep breath.
“Mr. Hopkins—” she began, but he interrupted her.
“Ms. Curry, I’ve told you as nicely as I know how that this job isn’t for you.” He paused, but she didn’t move. “You need to leave my office . . . now!” His shirt expanded a bit as his muscles tighten from frustration.
Lisa felt the words this time, his firm voice causing her to shake a bit. Still, she refused to leave.
“I’m sorry, but I disagree with you,” she said confidently. Her stance was strong, and her words clear. “I suppose you want me to feel bad because I didn’t study accounting or business during the four years I was in college? Well, I don’t. You’re so sure I don’t qualify because I didn’t study from the right book. How do you know my true qualifications when you don’t even know me? Shouldn’t I be given a chance?”
“It’s more than that, Ms. Curry. The fact remains—”
But she stopped him mid-sentence with a wave of her hand. “I’ve listened to what you had to say. But this is my interview. Please hear me out.”
He folded his arms over his chest. His chest rose and fell as fast as hers. She struggled to inhale between breaths, but she didn’t care.
“My résumé is proof that I’m a hard worker. I can think critically, and I strive for the best in whatever I do. My diligence has been an asset to every company wise enough to hire me. I just ask that you not discredit me because of some preconceived notion you’ve formulated. I ask that you not overlook my successes.”
Hopkins remained in his seat, speechless, now tapping his desk with his pen. He pressed his lips together, and a large knot rolled down his neck. He must’ve been swallowing his pride as he pondered the chances of her working for the company.
“I’ll call you, Ms. Curry. That’s all I can offer you at this time.”
Lisa left, not feeling the sting of failure that had engulfed her as she’d exited all of her previous interviews. She had chided him for his biases the way she’d wanted to chide all the other interviewers. Despite her many shortcomings, she always found the strength to speak up in times of adversity. Her spunk provided proof that she still had the courage to fight for what she believed she deserved.
∞
Lisa told Samuel every detail of what happened that afternoon: from the lobby filled with people, followed by the long and pointless questionnaire, to the short interview lengthened by her demand for a chance.
Samuel congratulated her for sticking up for herself. “I just hope the guy doesn’t press charges against you for trespassing.”
“He can’t do that!” She thought about the angry expression on his face when he’d demanded that she leave, to which she’d refused to concede. Perhaps her unrelenting desire to gain employment had caused her to go too far. “Can he?” Samuel was studying law. If anyone knew the possible consequences of her actions, it would be him.
“Don’t worry about it,” he said between giggles. “The worst that’ll happen is that he won’t call you. I’m sure he has other things on his plate besides trying to sue a recent college student determined to find work.”
“Yeah, sure,” she replied. Suddenly, she felt her chest caving in. Fear had never hurt so much. She slammed her fist to her chest as if it were that easy to beat life back into her. Samuel looked at her, confused.
“Lisa, what is it?”
She patted her chest some more. “I can’t breathe,” she said, gasping.
“Oh, no.” He grabbed hold of her. “Let’s get you on the floor.”
She was unable to respond. Her body weakened. “Samuel,” she struggled to say. Her vision became blurry; she could see only dark colors in the lighting that surrounded her. Then, she saw what appeared to be a shadow of Samuel’s body learning over her.
“One, two three,” he counted, pressing down on her chest with every count until he got to thirty. He breathed down her throat. “Lisa!”
His silhouette was tainted with blurry lights. She coughed a few times, bringing herself to. “I’m fine,” she said, choking on the words.
“You’re far from it. We need to get you to the hospital,” he said in a panic. “The doctor said this wouldn’t happen as long as you take your medicine. Your condition is getting worse.”
“It’s okay, Samuel. It’s okay.” This wasn’t the first time Lisa had fainted. Her pregnancy gave her a loving son, but it also left her with cardiac arrhythmia. And sometimes, whenever she’d get too excited, her blood pressure would spike and she’d pass out. As troublesome as it was, it was a condition to which she’d grown accustomed.
“It’s not okay. You just fainted. You need a stronger dosage or something.” He was drenched in sweat, and his was as heavy as hers.
“No, Samuel.” She rested her hand on his arm. “I . . . I just forgot to take it. I’ve been so busy.”
“Busy? You can’t ever be too busy to take your meds, Lisa. This is your life we’re talking about. What if I wasn’t here? You could’ve died.”
“Calm down,” she panted. “Stop being so dramatic.”
“I’m serious. We need to warn Kathleen about this.”
Lisa opened her mouth, ready to raise opposition, but he stopped her.
“Lisa, she shouldn’t be caught off guard. She needs to know what to do if this happens at her place. She doesn’t need to be freaked out.”
“Okay,” she mumbled, feeling strong enough to sit up. “You can tell her my heart condition, but that’s it.” She needed to remind Samuel that her privacy remained a serious concern. “Everything else stays between us.”
